I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
