I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
