exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
BRING THE BAGELS
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
