wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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