so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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