dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
