i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
