i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sorry about my life...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
