There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
