New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
