I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
