Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize