Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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