I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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