Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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