I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
