I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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