I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
