Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
