Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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