I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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