i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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