I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
