I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You left your phone here
Wait...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
