I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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