I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
