Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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