ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
