I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
