Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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