$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
