I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
