ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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