is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
