He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
