$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
