i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
