I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
