East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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