they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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