Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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