My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
