Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I looked at my own cervix.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
