At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My vagina is officially offended.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
