Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
