whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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