Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You left your phone here
Wait...
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