i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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