But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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