Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
