what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
