was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.