It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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