I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
it glows. i had to have it.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.