That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.