you suck at this game today
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.