Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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