I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero