He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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