dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NoShamevember. You game?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
