I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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