they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
