You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
