I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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