She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They took my balls.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Randomize
