The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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