I feel like I'm in dance class right now
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
