cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
