I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
