All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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