I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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