i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
