Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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