already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The uberlube is also flammable
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
