Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
