Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
