I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
