i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
