if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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