My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
