dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
