I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
